In our darkest hour coping with loss we find that it is difficult to grieve the loss of a loved one, separation from a loved one or loss of some kind. For instance, it feels as though a long sharp edged knife, two or three is more like it, were sliced into my heart with blood force. Specifically, here is your heart, let me take this sword and drive the dagger right into it piercing from top to bottom. Furthermore, since you have one sword thru your heart, why don’t I stick two more swords thru your heart. “That will make me feel better” says Satan. In addition to daggers being thrust through my body, the emotional turmoil will not let my mind free.
It is in our darkest hour that we feel a tornado swirling inside, the pain so real and so deep. Specifically, picture the tearing of muscles being separated from it’s organs. Is this what it means to fall to your knees? At times, I want to laugh with mischief to cover up the pain that is tormenting me. At other times I want to cry uncontrollably so that I can just release this agony. I question, why I am feeling this way? Everything you thought was real, was not real, or was it? Why is it necessary to go through such pain and suffering? Why must I be the example for everyone else? You tell me to keep pushing forward. You keep telling me everything will be alright.
The Five Steps to Grieving
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Questioning Your Loss in sorrow and doubt
Is it true that falling deep into the depths of our souls will teach us how to find ourselves? Searching thru the darkness like a lost child trying to get out of a patch of pricker bushes. Our hands and legs getting cut and sliced as we try to break free only to keep getting stuck in the next pricker bush. Blood dripping down the palm of your hand feeling numb to the open wounds. Silently screaming for someone to help you get unstuck yet, no one can hear you. You feel helpless and lost. You are weakened and holding on to the very last bit of strength that you have left. However, you manage to find the strength you need to continue to walk the path that is laid before you.
Pleading for Understanding To Why This Must Happen
Is it necessary to cut the core to our inner being? Why must we trust in ourselves? Transformation is like destroying all that you once knew only to rebuild or be reborn again. A completely valid point that you are tired and worn out. You even question yourself and say “how do I stand back up and get through this? I don’t want to rebuild. Why must I do this?” You complain and plead to God hoping he is listening to you in your darkest hour coping with loss. “Dear Lord, I have cut the cord. This sacrifice is killing me inside and out. Please show me the way. I’m lost in this darkness.”
Searching for Guidance In Your Faith
Having the faith to guide you through your darkest hour is to understand that in reality you are never truly alone, especially if you have faith. Like “Footprints In the Sand” just when you thought God had left you to burn and bleed thru your heart and soul, he whispers in your ear “my child, that is when I carried you”. He tells you that you are a rare jewel and I have come to take your pain and suffering away. But first before I do that, you must do something for me. You must shine your light so bright that the world will have no other option but to listen to what you have to share and say.
Acceptance of What Was, What Is and What Will Be
When you feel your world has been torn down and your holding on to the only thing you have left: we call that hope. By the same token, there is this voice inside my head. It says to “keep shining sunshine. Not only, will I protect you thru your pain and suffering but I will also love you. As well as be guiding you.”
How is it that you do you not see that you have been chosen to inspire and impact others? Together with your true nature and character you can achieve anything. This voice inside my head continues to tell me that “I believe in you. Of course, I believe you have the strength and endurance to get you thru.” I continue to tell myself that I was given this task by the higher power to be an example of how powerful love is in this cold world.
Equally important hope and faith tells us we won’t be alone.
Some paths along my journey, I will have to go alone, but I always know that my spirit guides are with me. As a matter of fact, we were given a body of armor to wear everyday (depending on your faith). Furthermore, no one can take your pain away, but you can accept that pain is part of life. Specifically, growing pains. Together, these tools and gifts have been given for you to Heal and then Show the world who you are.
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